A few bits concerning long distance relationships

Long-distance relationships, or LDRs, are not for the so called "weak." Now, I'm not saying that those who are "weak" cannot or should not partake in an LDR — just that it would be hard. Not being determined or loyal enough tends to seal the fate of the relationship from the start. It takes a strong will, commitment, and several other qualities which will be discussed in this article, to make the relationship successful for both persons.

LDRs, like any relationship, are like homes built on sand: They can either succeed or fail. They are the hardest to handle, but can flourish and blossom like any other relationship.

The following list is comprised of some things I have learned from being in an LDR. More specifically, it is a list of essential qualities and traits required in LDRs, just as in "regular" relationships.

They include:

Communication — If you and your significant other (SO) are not able to communicate, then there is no point in having the LDR. No communication means there is no relationship.

Commitment — Let's face it folks: You want your SO to be committed. Most serious relationships work towards a common goal: a union, such as a marriage. If one mate, or "teammate," is not dedicated to the relationship, it could, and just might, open up a whole other can of worms.

Loyalty — This falls in line with commitment, and with the following quality, affection. You want to be able to know that your SO is loyal to you. Otherwise, you could have what it takes to be on Jerry Springer. Not being committed not only show a lack of trustworthiness, but also shows your SO that they are not the one, that they are worth less than nothing.

Affection — All relationships, including LDRs, needs affection. Lack of it can lead to feelings of not being needed. That, your significant other means nothing. I mean, if you have no affection for your significant other, then what are you doing in the relationship?

Humor — When in an LDR, the ability to laugh when you can is vital. The strain put on both individuals in the relationship can cause great stress, and the ability to let it out through humor is valuable.

Patience — If your significant other has had a grueling day, or is late to show up online, be supportive, and don't jump to conclusions. If you jump to conclusions, they could lead to accusations, or feelings of being accused, which affects trust.

Understanding — When chatting or emailing, double check meanings every so often. Without the tone of voice or body language, things could be misunderstood, and dire consequences may follow.

Contact — Contact is what makes the relationship go round. Whether by instant message, letter, or email, keeping contact is the lifeline in a relationship.

Creativity — Be creative. Stretch your mind, and find new ways to show your love. You could make it romantic, sexy, or whatever. It could be back massages, or breakfast in bed, or whatever your imagination comes up with. Variety and creativity are key, because the same old "flowers and candy" (unless that is what your SO fancies) is trite. I'm not just talking about the guys doing this for the gals — love is a two-way street.

Openness/Honesty — In my opinion, there is a "clause," or something to note, in this aspect. Yes, be honest and open, but not so open that you "dump" on them. What I mean is, if you've had a bad day, and your SO has as well, be emotionally durable. Don't let your emotions use your SO as a crutch.

Positive Attitude/Hope/Faith — If there is one thing that I have learned, it is to keep a positive attitude in the relationship. For someone like myself, who battles with chronic depression, it can be tough, but anything is possible with the right attitude. I've also learned the concept of saying, "When we live together," instead of "If we..." It may sound strange, but it is very helpful as it constantly reminds you both of your unifying goal.

Trust — Key! Key! Key! I cannot stress how important this is. Without trust, there is no relationship. If you know you're going to wonder constantly whether you can trust your SO, then don't bother.

Support — When your SO has a bad day, be there for them. When they are undertaking a certain task, do what you can to help them.

More things that are good to have are a webcam and/or a microphone for your computer. These things are not mandatory; however, with all the scams, sexual predators, and overall nastiness on the Internet, you can never be completely sure the person you're falling for is who they say they are.

Now, I don't consider myself a "Dr. Phil," or such. I'm just a guy who has learned some things about relationships and wants to share those things with others. I hope you take this piece and think about it. I also hope that this piece will help you in your relationship with your SO.

Best wishes,

— Elindelwolf

~Note: When I used the term "weak," it was not intended to insult. It was a loosly used term.~